1. SO not reading that just because I wouldn't be able to avoid the yuck you warned about. I'm not a vegetarian, but I really don't eat a ton of meat.

Phlebotomist, trying to be helpful: Lots of people will eat red meat the night before they donate.
Me: Yeah. That is not happening.

Also, you are a weirdo re: brussels sprouts. I'll give you squash and eggplant. If prepared properly, both are delicious.