Three useful things I learned growing up

[hsapiens]

1. There is no such thing as a wrong emotion. You feel what you feel and it's perfectly valid; anyone who says, "You shouldn't feel that way," is wrong. Period. My mother went so far as to say there's no such thing as positive or negative emotions; you simply feel what you feel. What you choose to do as a result of feeling something is what can get you into hot water. Thus, it's perfectly valid that I get pissed when someone cuts me off in traffic; it's not okay to pull out my gun and shoot them. Damnit.

2. You cannot control the actions of others; you are in charge of nobody but yourself. It's freeing to realize that you are not responsible for everything that goes wrong. So, no, the rape victim did not "ask" to be raped nor was it the victim's fault for walking alone at night. Of course the corollary is that you are in charge of your actions. If you hit the person taunting you, his action in no way diminishes your responsibility.

3. You always have a choice; your actions are a result of choices you make. This one is a far harder lesson and I can't say that I've perfected it. It is a very subtle thing, at times, and for some it may be mere semantics. For me personally it is the manner in which I take back the reins from full-out victimhood. For example, I don't "have to" have an operation; I choose to have an operation because it is preferable to the alternative of dying.

Some of you on my flist will recognize that this is sparked by a discussion we had elsewhere but I assure it's not aimed at anyone. I have such little wisdom to offer the universe in general, or my flist in particular, that I'd offer up what I do have.

What is the point of a journal if not to record insights? Besides, if I ever tell my parents that I have an LJ, they'd be tickled pink to know that some small portion of what they said to one stubborn teenager found fertile ground.

Comments

[la-directora.livejournal.com]

Marriage did make me really happy for a while, but not toward the end. It was figuring out that sacrificing myself to try to make someone else happy wasn't going to work, and starting to get the whole "control your actions but not someone else's" thing, that made me realize I wasn't as happy as I thought. And, seriously, working on the very three items you had on your list have helped me to emerge on the other side of divorce into the happiest I've ever been in my life. Sure, I may have to apply those three principles again to get through a tough situation depending on what Anders decides he wants, but I feel like I'm in a better position to do that now than I was before.

And, yes, please keep sharing your thoughts on your journal. If this is an example, you've got good things to say. :)

[hsapiens.livejournal.com]

Wish they were my thoughts; they're received wisdom. Never asked my parents where they got the concepts, but I credit them fully. I don't have any wisdom of my own yet. I prefer to think that I'm still too young rather than too slow. ;)

I'm pleased to hear that you're doing so well because I was worried for you when I first heard. I'll continue to post things if I think of them but those are the biggies that I learned growing up.