I bought the Cheez Its and then decided I was tired of looking like a marshmallow.

Current justification for eating them: I have to get rid of them fast. (Shush, I cannot simply throw them away. People who grew up po' and on government handouts don't throw food way until it's really, for certain spoiled. And, shush, I could not have taken them to work and foisted them on coworkers, because, er, the box is too bulky to fit in my bag. Yeah.)