"I never questioned whether *I* should rise above my own feelings of defensiveness when confronted with somebody else's reality. It wasn't *my* job to try to understand; it was somebody else's job to entice me to educate myself. If they couldn't maintain an emotionally neutral position why should I try to? What hypocrisy!"

I know exactly what you mean... it took me a long time to see and understand that my attitude about that was a result of white privilege and that it was probably furthering problems rather than helping solve them. One thing that helped me to understand was thinking about my occasional flashes of white-hot feminist rage when confronted by sexist comments (and you know, I still don't understand why some comments make me sooooo angry while the vast majority barely even register) and then trying to explain why the other person's comment was wrong. I tend to be a pretty calm person so it's not as hard as it could be if I was more emotional, but I can see how someone could just lose their shit and not be able to calm down. But it's still hard for the side of the majority to see the minority argument if it's not presented in logical terms so... I don't know, I'm sympathetic to both sides.

This comment is not very coherent... but I think you get the idea.